Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Ding dong the witch is gone!!!!!!

I'm really not 100% comfortable writing about this, but I'm throwing my good sense to the wayside to bask in a mini celebration. Go on and gather up some confetti. In lieu of hole punched colorful paper you can grab dust bunnies, bean bag filler or kitty litter. The point is to join me in gleeful expression.

Blondezilla has left the building!

I am no fool and we're all fully aware that you must be careful of what you wish for. This isn't something we, as a collective whole, did. SHE patterned her own destiny. Granted, none of us really knows the story of her demise/departure. Sincerely none of us seems to give two hoots and a damn of the why. She sauntered off without a good bye. She packed up her belongings and hit the road. Are we heartbroken? Absolutely not. Well, I guess I shouldn't speak for anyone else. I never kept my loathing for her a secret. We were amiable for the sole purpose of maintaining civility in the work place. That was often a difficult task.

She was someone who, as long as her ego was stroked and she wasn't questioned, all was fine. However, that genial manner could turn on a dime. Berating associates in front of patrons seemed to be a favorite pass time. Bad form, Blondezilla. Bad form.

I won't bore you with details of her heinous behavior. It's over. Her reign of tyranny has been guillotined.

If I had been given the chance I would have shared with her these parting words: Don't let the door hit'cha where the good Lord split'cha!

Now, we do the dance of joy!!


Monday, July 13, 2009

Monday malaise

I have a long week ahead of me. For you regular Nine to Fivers you'll think I'm a big whiny baby. To someone in the retail bizz, you'll understand why working five days in a row with varied shifts presents itself as bothersome and arduous.

For instance, I work 11:30 to 9:00 (PM) today and turn around and toss myself into the kettle again at 9:00 AM. No breather beyond sleeping. The light at the tunnel is that I'm off on Saturday and that gives me a sense of normalcy.

So, for today's post I am giving you a meme. At least it's something and hopefully it'll evoke some thought. Consider it my gift to aid your brain in waking up.

Because I like to give credit where credit is due, I found this via Google search on the blog Curious as a Cat. I have a feeling I may resort to this from time to time.


1) What is the best thing you have ever won as a prize? I recently won a 3 month membership to Gold's Gym when I bought raffle tickets at our local Relay For Life event. While that is a great value, I was mostly overjoyed to win a copy of DENVER CEREAL from Claudia Christian Hall (the author). Nearly every Sunday she gives us Unconscious Mutterings on her blog. I have to tell you it's something I anxiously look forward to each week. She uses an unbiased method of choosing a weekly winner from the comments. That's how I was fortunate enough to be awarded her book. I loved it! The story continues on her blog. Totally groovy! Because I feel like I know Claudia, it made the prize even more personal and special -- especially since she wrote an inscription that made me cry.

2) What is one thing that repeatedly makes you angriest? This is really a tough one. Feigned ignorance and stupidity truly gets under my skin. From politicians to the workplace I see it. Deliberate, deceitful activity that only compounds itself when the perpetrator is incapable of keeping the lies in order. I'd laugh if it wasn't something I witness with regularity.

3) What song always makes you laugh, no matter how often you hear it? Hmmm a song that makes me laugh. Weird Al would be an obvious choice. I do find him riotously amusing, but I don't always giggle or chuckle when I hear "Eat it" or "White and Nerdy." The song that inevitably brings about a snicker is from The Wedding Singer. Adam Sandler's character Robbie can't get out of the funk of being dumped at the altar. When he's asked to share a recent composition he wails (some content may not be safe for work or children.)


4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. (click the image for a larger view.)



Photo courtesy Photos8.com

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Time for a second installment of ....

If I could punch a movie in the face ... Yes, I am a volatile person. I have potential to be, that is. I keep the violence contained in my head and don't let it travel to my fists, but rest assured if I ever unleash all this pent up fire beneath it will be a hailstorm of fury that'll make Chuck Norris seem like a whimpering pussy.

It has been said that when I'm passionate about something I give it full on support. Likewise, when I despise something, I am equally passionate in my disgust and distaste for the subject matter. That includes people. So, watch out!

In the last installment, I revealed the winners of the punch in the pie hole. For review you can go here to see the winners along with my reasoning (quite honestly I don't think I have to justify anything. I just hate the movies.).

While I compile this next list, I am torturing myself as St. Elmo's Fire churns out it's shittastic dialogue on AMC. It basically has tossed kerosene on the fire.

So, without further ado, I will reveal the movies that have earned this dubious honor. These movies can't even be categorized as guilty pleasures in the House of Riss.

Indecent Proposal: Seriously, Bob! What were you thinking? Have your other amazing efforts as actor, director and producer not brought in enough cash that you had to sell your soul to the likes of Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson ... and a hippopotamus? Did you just want an excuse to feel up the once nursing Mrs. Willis so you agreed to make this celluloid dreck? There is not one redeeming quality to this movie! I remember going to the theater to see it with my good friend Kathy. We laughed. A lot. She said out loud, "Oh Bob! What have you done!?" Bob, of course, is Robert Redford. Oh, Sundance, what did you do to have been party to such a train wreck? Were you being black mailed? I know I'm not alone in loathing this movie.

Little Nicky: I like Adam Sandler. His movie soundtracks are reason enough for me to justify watching his works. I enjoy most of his movies. He's clearly stuck in the '80s and that gives him street cred in my book. With that being said, I cannot bear to listen let alone watch him as he plays the son of Satan. Sandler's voice in this film is so irritating that I want to take Q-tips and push them deep into my brain via ear canal. My son and nephews laugh hysterically as Sandler does his schtick. They are lucky I love them so much or I might be inclined to disown them. In fact, their like of the movie is the reason I feel compelled to mention my hatred for it. It gets enough airplay on television that it's clear someone else loves it. Or, Sandler made a pact with the devil.

The Big Lebowski: Maybe I just don't get it. Everyone who has seen this movie seems to love it. And when I say love I mean they quote it; they live it; they breathe it; they adore it. I fought to watch the whole thing. Maybe mass quantities of alcohol is needed to be consumed. Perhaps imbibing in the ganja would be required in order for a straight laced gal like myself to get into it. I realize that by admitting this my application to the cool kids club will be rejected, but I'm willing to risk it. I'm not cool and I can admit it with my head held high (all the while having an atomic wedgey inflicted upon me). You can blame my frequent bouts with vapidity for why I didn't get into Lebowski. Color me a dolt and a dunderhead.

There might come a day when I'm bat-shit out of my head and I get drunk and stoned enough to watch and revel in the supposed greatness of Jeff Bridges and John Goodman. Until then, I don't give a shit about THE DUDE.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Keep on hitting! I can take it!

Twenty three thousand. hmmm

23,000 sigh

23,000!!!!!!!

That's still not as spectacular as I thought it would look. Hold on.

23,000 Blog Hits!

Image by Cool Text: Logo and Button Generator - Create Your Own

That fits the bill much better. Thank you for pushing my blog up and over 23,000 hits. Maybe one day those hits will be reads and comments. Perhaps I'll be a blog sensation that will make you ask, "Who's Jen Lancaster? What ever became of Perez Hilton?"

Hey, it's a lofty dream, but without aspirations for greater things we're just spinning our wheels and digging holes.

Bridging the gap


That's Mo-mo. She is magnetically drawn to the dining table. Sigh. She's also showing off her flexibility. Meow.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

What time is it?

Call me a little old fashioned, but if my phone rings later than 10:00 PM, it better be an emergency. Someone better be broken and or bleeding and requiring my specific brand of assistance (I have no idea what that may be) if they have the nerve to dial my number after 10 o'clock.

I will admit that on rare occasions I will take a call from a friend in a different time zone. I'm guilty of picking up the receiver if a man is calling. Not for a booty call, but to talk without concern for the time. Stupid and desperate? Yes. Asshat Running Man pulled that stunt one too many times and I set him straight about proper calling times when attempting to pursue a relationship. I get ballsy from time to time.

To be honest, my phone doesn't ring often and if it does it's a bill collector calling for the slime ball, asshat family who gives out my number to avoid paying their debts -- I presume they had this number over 4 years ago. Ironically, T-Mobile calls here to alert them of their lapse in mobile service payments and to inform them that their service has been interrupted. I tell these collectors that I am not the person they are trying to contact. They tell me the number will be removed from the call list, but in a couple months it all starts again.

Sidebar rant over.

So, since the phone doesn't often ring, it's enormously disruptive when the bird like chirping erupts and jolts me from my slip into pleasant slumber. This occurred last night.

I had decided to turn in early. Mancub had already awakened me once when he saw that I was sleeping on my stomach. This apparently made him curious enough to ask me why I was in that position to sleep and without a pillow under my head. He kindly offered to get me more pillows. I guess he thought it wasn't intentional that my bed pillows were setting on the floor next to the bed. For whatever reason (aging) my hip was irritated and I found that sleeping pose most comfortable ... for awhile. I thanked him for his concern and he departed.

Around 10:40 PM, the bleating of my bedroom phone jerks me awake just as I was drifting into dreamland. In what seemed one motion, I hopped from the bed to the phone on the dresser to look at the caller ID. It was my son's friend. His grandmother's phone number. The very number we were told he was grounded from using. Two rings and it ceased. I assumed Mancub picked it up. I debated whether or not to pick it up myself and inform the party on the other line that they woke me and it is not acceptable to dial our home after 10 PM. Rather than embarrass myself or Mancub, I waited a few minutes.

I called down to the boy. Questioning the call and it's poor timing, he said his friend was just calling to see if he could come by and hang out the following day. Mancub apologized and said he told his friend it was too late to be calling and that he should call during the day.

Hooray! Our discussions over proper phone use have stuck with him. He's fully aware that I don't appreciate late night calls.

Mancub isn't interested nor does he have use for social media like Facebook or instant messenger. He thinks texting is tedious and calling is far easier. This is a time where I'm grateful that he is slightly behind on socializing. I know that sounds dreadful, but in today's teen interaction, I think real communication is being pushed to the wayside. They speak in the same manner they text. It's annoying.

So, while I applaud the boys' choice to communicate it's necessary to set ground rules with Mancub's friend. My best guess is that he's allowed to run amuck and doesn't get a lot of positive attention. Mancub likes having a friend to hang out with and I'm truly happy the friendship exists. I've had to enforce and reinforce the rules of our house to Mancub's friend. I'll call him 'K'. It's a new experience for both of us; having someone else in our domicile ... eating the Fritos Scoops and drinking my Diet Coke and using several glasses when switching beverages. The boy drinks a lot! I reminded him that while I don't mind that he drinks all the water he can consume, I would prefer he not drink my DC nor use numerous drinking vessels in the course of his visit. I reminded him that he's a guest in our house and must abide by the rules and behave as a guest. More over, he was advised that it's mannerly to ask to have a snack or drink rather than rummage through the cupboards or refrigerator for something to eat. Other people's food seems to take on a greater allure, for some reason.

Seriously, oof!

Because it became apparent that K and Mancub would be spending time together this summer, I inquired about the boy to one of the teacher's at Mancub's school prior to the end fo the school year. She couldn't divulge a lot, but nodded positively when I asked if he and Mancub have a similar diagnosis only K's was more severe. K isn't a bad kid. He just lacks basic social graces. His home life has been tumultuous for his young age.

While I find this addition to our daily routine sometimes irritating, I am wholeheartedly grateful that my son has a friend with whom he can play video games, watch television and, as my mom would say, "get the stink blown off..." That means go outside and play.

They seem to be kindred spirits. Neither boy is up to speed on socialization; yet, they get along splendidly. They are direct and candid without appearing to insult the other. Mancub is fully aware of the habits that get under my skin, but has learned to just look at me and smile rather than fight a losing battle. I mainly refer to the improper use of my name. K calls me various 'M' names, but never gets to Marissa. Mancub has even tried to get him to call me "Mancub's Mom" but to no avail, I am destined to be Melinda, Melissa, Marcie .... My son and I just smile, shake our heads and I reply to K as if he got my name correct. If that's the only price we pay for Mancub having a buddy then I'll pay it.

Now, all will be aces as long as my phone doesn't ring again after 10:00 PM.

Friday, July 3, 2009

The Declaration of Independence

At the risk of sounding cliche', I am proud to be an American. While I have never lived elsewhere and my travels have only taken me just outside of California and Arizona where I crossed the Mexican border to shop, I know this is the best place on Earth for me.

This year has been monumental in that we've elected a black man as our president. We're facing financial crisis. Jobs are being lost at a ridiculous rate. Panic has stricken in the hearts of many. Across the globe there is unrest and war. Other governments are looking to us, the United States of America, for aid ... or firing upon us for the efforts made to give their citizens help. Sometimes we're damned if we do; damned if we don't.

Times have changed mightily since the Declaration of Independence was signed by our founding fathers. OH, sure! There's still war being waged. The weapons of war have the capabilities to inflict greater damage upon the people of this delicate planet. What is a greater weapon (and perhaps more frightening) is the minds of the leaders of the world. Without their potentially warped manner of thinking, those nuclear missiles are rendered useless.

Tomorrow we picnic and spend time with family and friends. We'll set off fireworks. Ice cream makers will be dragged from the dusty corners of the garage. Red, white and blue attire will be donned. Our national flag will flounce in the wind to symbolize our patriotism. Sunburns will fester by nightfall. Alcohol will be consumed in (hopefully) in a responsible manner.

Remembered are the brave soldiers who are fighting to keep our borders safe. While we're sleeping comfortably someones sons and daughters are awake to keep watch on the seas and night skies.

I implore you to remember and represent why America is so great. The world is watching.

God Bless America. Happy Independence Day, friends.



"You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism." -- Erma Bombeck

photo borrowed from www.wimmer52.com